SERVERS ARE NOT SERVANTS
Our goal is to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect and fun. You be nice, and we’ll be nice. Simple. There is never any excuse for people to be rude to one another, especially in our bar. Common courtesy goes a long way. Before attempting to get your server’s attention, wait until they finish with the customer they’re currently helping. Do not whistle, clap, or bang your bottle on the table like an idiot. Likewise, never reach out and poke a server, pull their apron, or slap their ass. Displaying disrespectful or abusive behavior toward any of our staff will get you thrown out immediately. So just don’t act like a jackass. That’s always the best policy, both when visiting The Vortex, and in everyday life.
LET US HELP YOU
Don’t ever come in here and start moving the furniture around like you own the place or we’ll slap you like a red-headed stepchild. If your group has any special needs, please let the host, server or manager assist you. Sure, sometimes we may have to decline a request, but that’s only because we know what’s best. Trust us. We’ve been running this bar for a long time. Our staff really is here to help, so just ask. Some of them might look a little scary, but they’re mostly pretty nice. Mostly.
We’re sorry if you don’t like what we do, or how we do it. Sorry if you think our bar is too crowded or smoky, or the music is too loud. We’re sorry if you’re offended by the foul-mouthed strippers sitting at the table next to you. On occasion, The Vortex may get a little rowdy. It’s what we do. Sorry, we’re not sorry. If you really need to have total control over your environment, you should probably just stay home. Nobody likes a whiner.
You can be as rude to your friends as you’d like. But if you expect to get any service at The Vortex, then get off the damn cell phone. If you stay on your phone, then be prepared to be ignored. Texting, surfing, tweeting or posting when a server is trying to take your order may also result in bodily injury or death, so just put it down.
OUTSIDE FOOD & DRINKS
In case you hadn’t noticed, we sell food and drinks here. This is not a picnic ground. If you are foolish enough to sit your butt down and whip out a sack lunch, or bring in an outside beverage, it will be confiscated and dumped in the trash. Give us any lip and you’ll end up there too.
We always want our patrons to hang-out and enjoy themselves. But if you have finished eating and drinking, have paid your check, and can see that other people are waiting for tables, be considerate and give up your seat so the next group can enjoy the experience. Come on, you’re done. Don’t be the clueless table of campers. Someday, when you’re the one waiting for a table, you will really appreciate this policy. And if you have taken up a table for hours and hours on end, don’t forget to tip your server accordingly.
DON’T MAKE US THROW YOU OUTTA HERE
Upon entering our premises, you become our guest. This is a privilege that is revocable at any time, at our sole discretion. If we don’t appreciate anything about your behavior, we reserve the right to throw your silly ass out the door. There is no law requiring us to serve anyone that we think is acting inappropriately. And if we ask you to leave, don’t start telling us about your “rights.” Just shut up and get out, before you make things worse. Be advised, if you do get yourself “eighty-sixed,” this may be a permanent situation, or it may just be until you sober up and convince us that you won’t act like a damned fool in the future. We’ll let you know our verdict when you skulk back in.